Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tagged....with reflection

So, by virtue to reading her blog on the subject, I have now been tagged to do the following blog-thank you Krista Ray :-)


1. Go to your pictures folder and open the fourth folder
2. Upload the fourth picture and explain it
3. Tag four friends



1.







2. From the "Emma Birth" folder we have an oh-so-attractive photo of me holding Emma right after her birth. (I think pictures of moms who look beautiful and in full make-up after giving birth are just lying...someone else gave birth and then they jumped in the bed. It's just not possible after many hours of labor.) So, not that great picture of me, but good all in the same, you know?


It's interesting, this has actually made me reflect back to that time and that first month. We were so unaware of the turn our lives would take within the next week. A new world would completely be opened up to us that we were so unprepared for. I really never even thought about or considered that my child might not be a "normal, healthy baby". Never even crossed my mind, really....and now I think back, I was in la-la land or just immature in my thinking, I don't know. We were just clueless when that picture was taken that Emma had a ticking time bomb beating down the hours until panic would strike.


In a little over a week, she went from this in a hospital:




to this:




Still, our beautiful baby girl, even among all of the wires, cords, monitors. She was and is our gift from God.



As time progresses, and we get further and further away from that stressful first year of 2 major surgeries, speeding to the emergency room, being told that if we had waited an hour longer to bring her to the ER we probably would have lost her, IVs through her umbilical cord and femur, seeing your daughter receiving her oxygen by a tube and air being manually pumped into it, having to call friends and family to tell them what has happened, bypass machine, knowing way too much about how the heart works and the different heart defects, oxygen sensors, lasix, thick-it, blood pressure medicine from the speciality pharmacy, cardiology appointments, echocardiograms, EKGs, blood pressure cuffs (Emma has a collection now in many different sizes...she likes to try them on now!), Albuterol, breathing treatments every 3 hours, 2 balloon angioplasties, pre-op appointments, trying to breast feed, failing at that due to swallowing problems and stress (imagine that), Nutramigen (the most expensive formula in the world, I think), showers in the PICU, trying to sleep (unsuccessfully) when nurses come in every 3 hours, $400,000 hospital bills, having $0 patient responsibility next to said hospital bill (thank you insurance), still having to pay over $20,000 in hospital bills the first 18 months due to deductibles, out-of-pockets, changing of insurance policies, etc., being blessed unexpectedly by anonymous donors, friends, and family, 6 ear infections in 4 months, ear tubes (fairly easy compared to other surgeries at Cooks!), the first official meeting of Santa occuring at the hospital for a Christmas party for heart kids, being part of a whole group of fellow heart families who understand what you go through, coming to that scary knowledge of how close you came to losing your daughter once again when you attend the funeral of a daughter of a heart family friend, being scared that everytime she is sick something is wrong with her heart, getting the news over and over again that the next procedure will definitely fix her problems, then getting the news that she is of the tiniest percentage of patients in which the procedure did not work (twice), losing the id bracelet you need for your next surgery somewhere in Target (really, putting it on the foot of a toddler who likes to kick off shoes is not the best idea), searching Target and the parking lot for that bracelet that you need for check-in the next day, having to get to the hospital at 5 so they can re-draw blood because you could never find that stupid bracelet, feeling like your life is spinning out of control and you can't handle all that is asked of you, recognizing nurses on billboards around town advertising the hospital, having the cafeteria workers at the hospital know you by your breakfast order, checking not that your child is sleeping peacefully at night, but that her heart is still beating.


Obviously, the memories, the pain, the struggles, and the stress will always remain part of our memories as first-time parents. But time does heal. The times of replaying all of those things in my mind have become less and less frequent. Finally, I feel almost "normal" again (except for those yearly cardiologist appointments!). Even as she is sick today with a fever, my mind doesn't even run off in a "heart" direction. It's just a simple cold/virus/fever. Eventually, all of the debt will be paid off. Eventually, Emma will realize she has these scars all over her body and I am sure some self-doubt about her body will come about (hello teenage years....). Eventually, we will come face to face with those fears again when (hopefully) we become pregnant again. (No, that is not an annoucement!)


However difficult that first year was, God was always faithful. He was always there. In the delivery room. In the car to the ER. In the ER trauma room. In the PICU. In the operating room. In the Cath Lab. In 3rd floor north. In the doctors offices. In her bedroom. And He is with her now. And He will be with her as she grows into the woman He has destined her to be. And what a destiny that will be.


Having Emma now makes all of those trials worth it. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat in order to have my precious girl. She brings us such joy. I love her so.



So this whole tagging experiment has actually let me reflect once again about this journey we have been on. It gives me strength knowing that God has never forgotten us. And that He will be with us no matter what road we go down.


So...tagging other friends...


Kyna, Amanda, Allyson, Jen....you're it!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I am honored...

I admit...since marrying Daniel, I have become pretty knowledgeable about sports. Especially baseball and the Rangers. I can hang with the best of them when it comes to sports knowledge (hockey's my weakest sport). Even to the point that, when the Sports Illustrated comes to our house each week...I sometimes read it before Daniel. Daniel would say that I am a sponge for information.

Well, something happened today when I glanced through this week's edition.

A former student of mine was mentioned as a Freshman to Watch for Women's NCAA Basketball.


And so I am honored. But not because of all of her basketball awards, praise, and glory (which is very well deserved, by the way!).

No, because of her heart and sweet spirit. Because she is so much more than just basketball. She was one of the brightest in my Pre-AP Chemistry course that year (and I had some bright ones in there!). But most importantly, she lived (and still does from what I can tell!) a life of higher calling in her relationship with Christ.

My favorite memory of her is not on the court (although there are quite a good ones there), nor in the lab...but of all the different Bible verses she would write on the backs of her hands. Or her joy in the Lord that just radiates from her face and her actions. In the midst of a heated basketball showdown, she would just be smiling, helping other players up when they fell, and just ...enjoying life and having such joy in her playing, friends, school, and life- even when life brought some hard knocks.

I am honored to know and to pray for her. I am honored that the Lord would bring her into such a public, national arena to shine as a witness to all that she comes into contact with- her teammates, classmates, competitors, fans.

I am honored to call Whitney Hand a sister in Christ...






..even if she did pick OU over Vanderbilt. I guess it's ok if she has ONE fault.... :)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The dreaded 3-letter word...

Yep, we have hit that point in Emma's development. A time that all parents know is coming yet they dread so. And all of a sudden it hits you...and you can't escape its power. It's everywhere. All the time. No matter what. The dreaded 3-letter word....








WHY?

Emma, time to get into the bath... WHY?
Because you need to be clean... WHY?
Because you are dirty... WHY?
BECAUSE MOMMY SAID SO!!!




WHY?

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to stifle her curiosity (because she sure has it!) by any means, and for the most part, she's not doing it out of disobedience. (even though she does occasionally!) But the word is now firm in her vocabulary as of this weekend.


Oh Well....

In other news, my surgery on Tuesday went well. The tendon shaft on my left middle finger had closed up, so after a cortisone shot didn't clear it up over a month ago, the surgeon just went in and opened it up. The surgery itself only lasted about 15 minutes, but I did get general anethesia. It felt great on Tuesday being knocked out...but not so great on Wednesday...or Thursday...or even Friday! I finally got back to school on Friday (I was originally planning on going on Wednesday!) but my brain still felt about 5 seconds behind the rest of my body. Considering my mind usually works about 100 mph, this was unsettling! Since Friday my body has actually finally righted itself from teh anesthesia, but I have actually had more pain in the actual incision site. I took off the major wrap/bandage on Friday as directed and have just been wearing a bandage over the stitches. Well, without that extra protection it's been a little more sensitive. Of course, then getting some food poisioning Saturday afternoon has just topped off my whole week!

Today, daniel was out and Emma and I were just hanging around at home. Me, trying to move very little due to my stomach problems. When Emma asked "why" to my answer that we couldn't go for a walk, I told her that mommy's stomach didn't feel goo. So she rushed into my bathroom and came back out with the package of band-aids for my hand. When I asked her what they were for, she pulled up my shirt and pointed to my stomach saying "momma's belly"! Of course, I obliged my little nurse and she then gave me several kisses on my band-aids (both stomach and hand!). She took good care of me!

Why?

Because she loves me!






Why? :)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Tea Parties!

It has been so much fun watching Emma starting to use her imagination and pretending! She has been playing "Tea" at her grandparents Montgomery house, so I got her a little tea set today at Wal-Mart. We set up a full tea party in the living room, complete with guests! She loved it!

Elmo, would you like a warm-up?
She realized half-way through the party that baby was not strapped in properly into her seat...so of course, she needed to take care of that problem:



At one point, I came back with my camera and immediately, she ran from the room. I didn't know what she was up to until she came back with the play camera that she also got at Wal-Mart today (I succumbed to the little toys that they place right by the checkout at kid-eye-level so that the kids will see it and insist their parents buy them that toy. Yep...I fell for it today!) She, too, wanted to take pictures like mommy of the tea party!

Later tonight, when Uncle Jeff and Aunt Val came over for dinner, she even got Uncle Jeff to join in the fun with her!

Halloween!

We had a great time on Halloween! We went to a Fall Festival at the Benbrook Park (there were TONS of people there), and then went trick-or-treating at a few houses in Daniel's parents' neighborhood. Emma was a duck, once again this year. She just wore her 12-month sized costume from last year. Except for showing a little bit of lower leg, you would never have guessed! Here's our sweet duckie at Halloween 2007:
And again, in 2008. It's hard to get her to really smile on command in pictures now-adays. When she says "cheese" she has this disfigured look on her face!
At the fall festival with Gandolf (her cousin Zac) and Spiderman (her cousin Zeb)

She enjoyed going Trick-or-treating, especially the treat part. Look mom, I got my first piece of candy!!!
At first, she was staying close to her cousins and either Daniel and I:
but it didn't take her long to get the hang of it! She would go up and knock on the door (we were very close, don't worry), and knew to say "Tweet" and hold out her Elmo basket! She always said, "Ank u" afterwards...she's one polite little duckie!
Enjoying her first spoils on the ride back to our car:Look at all of my candy!!!
Sharing a lollipop with Granddad: (and then she fell asleep with no problems on the way home!)


Chuck-E-Cheese!

We took Emma to Chuck-E-Cheese on Wednesday night and had a blast! (She was talking all evening Tuesday about going to "Cheese") It was great- they have a smaller area set apart for toddlers, so we were able just to sit down and eat, and Emma would come and get a coin, go ride something/play a game, then come back for another coin! Oh the memories of childhood come rushing back to you!!!
Talking to Chuck-E:Instead of the moles...hitting her A, B,Cs instead:
Riding with Barney:Then, we went to the park to get out some more energy and had a good time playing around as a family!


She LOVES to climb. The greatness of this picture is it only shows the first half of her journey to the top. She climbed all the way to the top like you see here, but then promptly climbs down for no apparent reason. Then, she went around to the other side of the steps, and climbed all the way back up, so that she would be on the "right" side to climb onto the platform!

She was pretty tired after all of the happenings and went to bed pretty easily. When we went to check on her before going to bed ourselves, this is what we found: Again, sometimes the floor is just more comfortable than your bed, I guess!